22.07.2014, Sunday, 07:19pm

I was doing this English assignment today in which I was suppose to write about what I thought of the eighth grade, and wanted a synonym for “nuthouse.” Needless to say, I thought using the expression “nuthouse” itself might be the last straw for poor Ms Pritchett, who has suffered enough abuse to last Cleopatra a lifetime, so I wanted to find a subtler word.
I racked my brains in despair, begging, PLEADING for it to come up with a precise answer, but in vain.
Obviously, I couldn’t ask my PARENTS because, 1] I would NEVER ask my parents for school-help. Who am I, Kathryn?? 2] Even if I DID ask
them, they’d want a reason as to where exactly I’m going to be inserting the phrase. One thing will lead to another, and they’ll figure out that I’m using those very words to describe my school. Next thing you know, I’m grounded for “not being more appreciative to the teachers for the hard work and effort they put into their careers.” Yeah, right. Mr Reddog [I don’t even think that’s his real name. I watched a movie on the LIFETIME MOVIES channel called “Red Dog” the other night…] SLEEPS through the whole class. How’s that for hard working teachers, eh parents??

I decided to turn to the most reliable source I could consult in this situation; The Thesaurus. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to stoop so low as to use the THESAURUS to aid my writing. But I was desperate and I needed to finish this thing in the next seven minutes if I wanted to have enough time for the rest of the activities I had planned for the day [AKA doing utterly NOTHING].
Taking a deep breath, and praying that the Gods of Literature wouldn’t curse me with a severe literary disfigure, I marshaled all the willpower I had left in me and picked It up.
It wasn’t actually THAT helpful. For one, the thesaurus we have in our house was probably printed before Gutenberg’s Mom was born, therefore there wasn’t a single synonym for “nuthouse.”
Of course, being the smart, intelligent [and modest to boot!!] girl that I am, I realised that, so what if there wasn’t a synonym for “nuthouse??” There must be synonyms for “nut” and “house” individually, right?? So all I had to do was find the two, combine them convincingly VOILA!! There you have it, a word parallel to “nuthouse!!”

I give to you, dear reader….  The “kernel dwelling!!” It may not give the same vibe as its origin, but it means the same thing. No??


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