24.01.2014, Friday, 09:17 pm

15

THANKFULLY, my crazed-destroying-manic phase is officially over. [Thank Gawd, because I started feeling all twitchy whenever I passed the car]

Which is a really good thing, because just as I was dressing up to go for karate class, a HUGE parcel arrived for me in the mail. If I hadn’t gotten over my see-and-burn chapter, I’m sure the package would’ve been hacked to a crumb by now.

Anyway, guess what was in the crate?? A whole cart-load of BOOKS!!! I mean, what else could a girl want, really??

Amidst the shimmering wrapping paper, I spotted a tiny, white bit of card that read, “To: Taylor. Love, Your Favorite Aunt In The Whole World, Tracy.” Wasn’t that sweet of her?? I mean, it isn’t even my birthday!! Maybe this was a belated Christmas present…

Unfortunately, it is tradition in the Skarr household to write thank you letters [yes, LETTERS not EMAILS. We are definitely the most medieval family on the block], so I was busy slogging away on a piece of paper for the next fifteen minutes.

Well, instead of coming up with corny phrases [“you are the best aunt EVER!”], I decided to toss up a poem. Check it out:

Aunt Tracy

With a poisonous smile

And thick black hair

Gorgeous gowns

And hugs like a bear

My Aunt Tracy

Stands out like a star

Always perfect and

Raising the bar

Her charm is pretty

Hard to miss

Her letters always 

Sealed with a kiss 

The stuff she bakes

Are crazily yum

To me she’s like

A second mum 

Her cherry ways

That lively tune

She hums when at

Work with the broom

The pretty ring

She tends to wear

When on a trip to

Unc H’s lair

All these traits

These ways of seeing

Bring to mind 

A certain being

Oh, who’s this one?

With skin so lacy??

Oh, yes! It is my

Aunty Tracy!!

Pretty cool for an amateur, huh?? D’oh!! I keep forgetting. I AM a published author, and published author’s ain’t no amateurs!! :]

23.01.2014, Thursday, 05:44 pm

3

The weirdest thing happened today.

I was downing a glass of orange juice and wondering whether or not I should refill my cup when I got a sudden urge to… to destroy. I don’t know how else I can put it.

I mean, everything I spotted after that moment was in immediate danger of being crushed under my bare hands. Instead of trying to beat it, I decided to give in to this impulse.

I rushed over to my room and brought out a bunch of stuff I don’t use anymore. Then I picked out the smallest object from the lot, a Looney Toons pencil.

Grasping it in both hands, I snapped it into two. Instead of taming my suddenly savage side, breaking the pencil seemed to drive me further. Come on kiddo, I thought, you can do better than THAT!!

And so, I grabbed a Prom Barbie. TWACK!! It cracked into tiny pieces, legs, arms and two-inch clothes clothes flying everywhere.

Within fifteen minutes I’d gotten to the bottom of my stash, but I still wasn’t ready to stop. I wanted more, WAY more.

So I dug about my room for the useless junk that topples out my pockets after school; expired candy, crusty bits of paper that have hardened over time, stuff like that. I started  twisting, turning, ripping, shredding. It was the most fun I’ve had with torn-up test papers.

Well, I soon finished wrecking every single bit of garbage in the room. I needed a new source, and I new just the place; Kathryn’s parlor.

Of course, I was putting myself at a risk, because if Mum or [even worse] Kathryn walked in, I could be in major trouble. We’re talking at least two grounded weeks, and I can’t afford that, considering how the football quarter finals match is just around the corner and I can’t miss that for ANYTHING.

On the other hand, nobody was at home [except Dad] due to Kathryn’s PTA meeting [Mum forces her to go for every single one even thought there is not a single student there, for obvious reasons. I mean, it isn’t a Parent Teacher STUDENT Association] so it was a PERFECT opportunity to get my hands on some breakable rubbish.

So I sneak into my elder sister’s chamber and search the whole place for eye liners, sunglasses, ANYTHING that I can disfigure. Gosh, who knew make-up was so cool!! I crumpled every tube, snipped every paper, flushed down every lip stick… I was TOTALLY KILLING IT!!!!!

[I tried to dismiss what I would face once Kathryn got home. I was too depressing to think about, really]

Pretty soon, I wanted to begin a totally new phase of Project: Demolish, I wanted to feel the fire… I wanted to BURN. Like, light up stuff and watch it go up into smoke.

Well, I alighted quite a few things [including some of the mail that came in today] and I have to say, it was pretty awesome. Just the feeling of being so in control… It was the GREATEST.

Anyway, I think I’ll stop writing now. My finger is twitching [a sign -that I have now gotten quite used to- that means if I am not out of contact with the object I’m touching in roughly ten seconds, I’m gonna be forced to blow it up] and that cannot be a good thing.

18.01.2014, Saturday, 02:10 pm

2

I guess I didn’t mention it in yesterday’s entry, but we had our annual class excursion today. It’s the only time of year when us kids hang out with our whole class, singing at the top of our lungs without having to continuously peek over our shoulders to check out if any teacher has decided to give us a surprise visit. So you can see why I look forward to it a lot.

In the morning, I woke bright and early. The first thing I did was make sure that all the stuff I’ve pinched from Kathryn’s room through the years was properly hidden. I’ve robbed all sorts of things from my sis, from dried-up lipstick tubes to empty crisp packets [don’t ask me WHAT I was thinking].

Anyway, after giving my stolen treasured a final tuck, I brushed my teeth, had a nice, relaxing shower and changed into my comfy school uniform [who am I kidding?? That thing is as comfortable as sitting on a cactus!!]. Then, I stuffed all the junk I bought from the shop the other day into a Hello Kitty rucksack and lugged it to the front porch.

Well, after all that, nothing of particular relevance happened till I reached the school grounds. Everyone in the seventh grade was super excited. But did that stop Miss Belle from giving us half an hour’s worth math exercises before we even boarded the buses?? No, it did not.

I’m not complaining, though, because she made us decode a “secret message” using math formulas, and it was totally fun trying to guess what it could be. Trust Miss Belle to make MATH fun!!

Before we knew it, [and before half of the ‘slower kids’ could figure our what the “secret message” was] it was time to hop onto the vehicles. [Just in case you wanted to know, the message read, ‘Keep Smiling. It Makes People Wonder What You’re Up To’]

There was hardly enough place for the whole class, so we ended up piling three [and sometimes even FOUR] kids to a seat. We didn’t care, thought. We were WAY too happy to bother about little things like whose lap we were sitting on.

Once we were on the road, there was NO stopping us. We screamed out the windows [lead by me, I’m afraid] and startled innocent citizens on their fancy-shmacy Harley Davidson’s.

On the way to the theater [where we were going to be watching The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty], I rounded up a few students and we started the first official sing-off that journey. It began with one team pronouncing a random sound to their opponents, like ‘OooLaLa’ or ‘IveIve.’ The other gang then had to sing a song starting with the same note. Cool, right?? [Thought not entirely original]

Pretty soon, our humble group of eight miraculously expanded into a bus-load [haha!!] of THIRTY FIVE!! Man, that game became WAY popular. As there were so many of us, we decided to split-up according to gender, to make things simpler.

I have to say, the girls were KILLING IT!! When the guys ended one of their songs with the letter ‘R,’ we wasted no time in belting out the intro of Lady Gaga’s every-popular ‘Bad Romance.’ And, I have to admit, the dudes were OK-ish, too. They seemed to know a couple of songs, thought, coincidentally, all of them seemed to have one swear word or another.

I was a bit sad when we drew up in front of the multiplex, becasue we were in the middle of a heated tie-breaker round, but at least I still had the movie and the whole trip back to look forward too, right??

The movie was AMAZING. And [for once the school decided to loosed their purse strings] the popcorn was absolutely DIVINE. I don’t think a more delicious tub of butter-pepper popcorn was ever dished out.

The experience would have been better, I suppose, if people didn’t keep cutting the cheese every few seconds. Every time that happened, the girls would scream [and I mean SSSCCRRRREEAMM!!] and take five minutes to be pacified by the teachers. The boys, on the other hand, had the nerve to CONGRATULATE the one who caused the disturbance. Talk about immature.

Well, before long, we trooped out the cinema, each cradling their coke cartons as souvenirs.

The ride back home was way more boring than the ride to our destination. Everyone was busy trying to chomp off all their stuff to prevent pesky siblings from bumming their chips. I was so stuffed, I needed THREE classmates to haul me out of my chair. AND I didn’t finish my OWN stuff, thanks to the fact that I got too full with OTHER people’s snacks [what?? I can’t decline an opportunity to down junk food, ESPECIALLY other people’s]

Well, I guess I’d better stop now. I have to finish those lime and herb nachos [gross, right?? But that’s what you get when you send you MOM to go picnic shopping for you] before Kathryn gets home from her friend’s party. Just THINKING about it makes me want to belch. >BURP!!<

17.01.2014, Friday, 08:21 pm

5

Today RULED!!

The awesomeness began when we heard on the local news channel that our school had shut down for the day due to “uncomfortable circumstances.” I was too busy celebrating about the holiday to even TRY to figure out why exactly we got the day off.

[I’m surprised I didn’t give a second thought to THAT. I mean, I’m forever asking deep, insightful questions about the CRAZIEST stuff -‘What kind of underwear is Coach Krammer wearing today?? Striped or spotted??- and when I FINALLY have the appropriate situation to clear a doubt, I shut up. And there hasn’t been a snowball in sight for DAYS -which is freaky, because how can it get so warm when its just the beginning of JANUARY??- so why did the school have to close up, anyway??]

So, guess what we did instead of spending the day at a torture-prone zone [a.k.a middle school]??

We went GO-CARTING!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, baby!! It was THE most amazing experience EVER, what with the wind-in-your-face and the whole I’m-controlling-the-world feeling.

Let me narrate [in as much detail as I care to apply] the day’s happenings from when we [as in Mum, Dad, Kathryn and I] stood at the ticket counter. Of course, Mum hesitated about letting me drive a single cart by myself, but dad countered her [something that happens so rarely, even blue moons are more frequent in comparison] and told her stuff like how I’m ‘not going to get a better chance to perfect the driver in me’ [if there is one, he’s probably DEAD, because I have NEVER driven anything. Before the go-carting incident, that is] and how Mum should ‘let me make a few more of my own decisions.’

Of course, I was totally happy that I would be able to go by myself, but the ecstasy just zapped itself out when I figured out that it wasn’t as easy as it looked after all.

So I was all strapped, buckled, belted in and then this weird dude with a bandanna ripped a string from the back of the vehicle and VROOOOMM!! I was OFF!! Off until about seven seconds later, when I bumped into a heap of tires.

I was SO embarrassed!! Nobody -and I mean NOBODY- had gotten off to such a bad start this afternoon. Bandanna-guy rushed over and released me from the mess I’d created.

In the next two minutes, I’d crashed at least five times. It was a DISASTER!! I was pretty disappointed in myself because even thought there are some things that I do that look pretty awkward [like the gawky was I clutch the spoon at the dining table; kind of like the manner a serial killer would hold a dagger…] but I’ve always been a pretty-athletic person. AND, I’m a REAL cycler. A least I used to be, a couple years ago.

Fortunately, after about the first quarter-lap [and dozens of prayers] till the end of the second round, I managed to do OK. What REALLY shocked me was that from the beginning of the third circuit, I began REALLY getting the hang of it. I mean, I was practically WHIZZING around the place, dodging the fence by a thimble and turning the curves like Usain Bolt.

I’d morphed from race car horror to go-cart diva in less than five minutes!! And that;s not even the best part.

For me, parents can be split-up into three major categories depending on what extent they compliment their kids;

Type A: Polly Praise-A-Lot: These ‘rents are totally awesome to have, especially when you’ve got a C on a Geography test and they go, ‘Well, I’m still proud of you for getting that A in you English paper all those years ago, and don’t you forget it!!’

Type B: Normal Nathan: NN’s are in the middle; they don’t gush about that weird art project of yours, but on the other hand, they don’t walk away silently when  you’ve just played a pro-level piece on your piano to perfection.

Type C: Silent Sandra: Sandras are completely trustworthy when it comes to judging their kids. If they don’t like it, they’ll tell you all about it. But when they DO flatter their children, you can be sure they really and truly mean it because Type C’s are REAL hard to please.

While my Mum falls into the first group, Dad would come under the “Silent Sandra” section [only, his name isn’t Sandra].

Which is why, [this is the best part] when I met dad at the finish line and walked to the seats together [with Kathryn, who went with dad in a double-car] and dad said, ‘You were damn good, Taylor,’ [When he says damn, he TOTALLY isn’t kidding] I nearly choked on my own spit.

Wait a minute… My FATHER said something about ME that sounded like a… a COMPLIMENT?? For a moment there, I was willing to believe like I was on an episode of Doctor Who and stuck in a parallel universe or something.

But after I brushed off those insane ideas from my mind and Dad’s words sunk in, it felt kind of nice. Oh, who am I kidding?? It felt EXCELLENT!! OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! BRILLIANT!!!!

I need another bag of nachos to recover from this, and I need it STAT!

11.01.2014, Saturday, 03:39 pm

2

So far, I have not been able to live up to a single resolution and its been only TWO DAYS since I came up with them. I am LOUSY at sticking to my word, that’s for sure.

I have to say; so far, 2014 has SUCKED. Not ONE good thing has taken place so far AND it’s already ELEVEN days into the year!! Well, maybe ONE slightly positive event took place so far, but, seriously, ONE??? In almost two weeks?? Come ON!! Can there be a MORE sucky start??

Anyway, school re-opened on Monday. It was great. I mean, it WOULD have been great if I hadn’t been SWAMPED with homework. See, remember how I had to go to Manhattan for my book launch?? Well, had to choose between staying at school, or bunking studies and heading off for the launch. [Toughie, eh?] Obviously, I ditched the books as soon as possible, and NOW I face the consequences. Just yesterday, I had to;

1] Do a Shakespeare project for English [that carried half my grade]

2] Decorate a poster on Saving the Amazon

3] Write down trillion pages of French notes, AND [just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse…]

4] Finish up THIRTY word problems on linear equations

Talk about tiring. Even EINSTEIN wouldn’t approve of THIS mental strain. Okay, maybe it isn’t exactly mental strain, but it sure counts as child labour doesn’t it??

09.01.2014, Thursday, 07:48 pm

5

I know this is a little late in the day, but here are my New Year resolutions;

1] I will go for a walk everyday

2] I will not dump dirty laundry on the floor and expect Mum to pick it up

3] I will contribute to the house work

4] I will publish my novel

5] I will write in my diary on a daily basis

6] I will not be rude or disrespectful towards my elders

7] I will quit junk food [excluding crisps, chocolate, candy and burgers]

8] I will not give lame excuses for not completing my homework.

9] I will come up with better excuses for the absence of my homework.

10] I will not use so many ”will’s” in the future.

05.01.2014, Sunday, 02:00 pm

2

For Geography, we had holiday homework [what is the point of a school break if you still have homework??] to research and put up a neat poster on a group of islands of your choice.

Of course, I absolutely forgot about this until now, the last day of the winter vacations [Last day?!?! Just thinking about it makes me want to jump off a cliff] and was left with the humungous task of putting up a semi- decent project on masses of land surrounded by water in ONE DAY.

There was only one person/thing/invention/whatever that I could turn to and be fully confident of outstanding results; dad’s laptop.

I googled ”famous islands” and a particular search result caught my eye; the Tahiti islands in the South Pacific. There was a link that directed me to a Wikipedia page and after that I basically cut, copy, pasted the entire article onto a couple A4 papers and printed out the whole thing. Then I neatly filed my work [teachers dig binders like dogs dig cow dung] and voila! I managed to wrap up my work in less than fifteen minutes.

The point I rambled on about this is because, while scrolling down and highlighting the important point, I must have accidentally paid attention because I found out that all the food is imported [yes, that includes Heinz ketchup].

So, if Jon wanted an apple and asked a local where exactly could he find one, the responce would be, ‘Sorry, no fruit. Could I interest you in a 300$ mini-tub of Nutella instead??’